When Severe Anxiety Means You Avoid Everyday Life
- Martin Middleton
- Mar 3
- 7 min read
Finding Real Relief with an Anxiety Management Specialist in Leicester, Hinckley, Burbage & Online
How anxiety affects daily life
I used to struggle intensely with going into new environments, specifically cafes and restaurants. For most people, grabbing a coffee is a relaxing experience. For me, it was a minefield of unknown rules: Do I need to wait to be seated? Is it table service? Do I ask for the bill, or do I go up to the till and pay? Where is the toilet? If I leave my seat will they think I've left?
Because these variables were unknown, my brain interpreted them as threats. The anxiety of potentially "getting it wrong" or looking foolish would spike so high that I would often just avoid going in altogether. Looking back, I’ve probably missed out on some amazing places to eat, simply because the mental gymnastics of navigating the unknown were too exhausting.
On the flipside, I have never had the same issue going into a Pub - head to the bar, ask for a drink, sit down - these rules are universal, they don’t vary, nothing I can panic about getting wrong.
My coping strategy for managing my anxiety was very successful. By avoiding the feared situation, I felt a sense of relief, my heart rate dropped, and I relaxed. But it reinforced that avoidance as a way to cope in future and the cycle repeated:
Anxiety shows up - you avoid, feel relief/safe, anxiety shows up, you avoid, feel relief/safe and on and on.
It shrinks your world, it becomes one of missed opportunities and potential experiences.
What Severe Anxiety Feels and Looks Like
You might have a picture of severe anxiety as a panic attack, someone tense and nervous pacing up and down, but it mostly shows up in everyday life as avoidance. It’s saying “NO!” over and over again.
It can significantly interfere with your daily life. Here are some signs that your "alarm system" is constantly:
Anxiety that persists for weeks or months without any sign of improvement.
Panic attacks seem to come on suddenly and intensely.
Actively avoiding places, people, or situations because of fear.
Difficulty sleeping or concentrating because your mind won't stop worrying.
Physical symptoms such as a rapid heartbeat, sweating, or dizziness.
If these signs sound familiar, it might be time to stop trying to willpower your way through it. Early intervention can prevent anxiety from worsening and help you regain your sense of balance.
How you might shrink your world and use avoidance as a coping tool
Avoidance can show up in a variety of ways; you might not even be aware of some of them as they are so ingrained in the way you approach life.
🛑 The 3 Faces of Avoidance
1. Escape
You might find that you withdraw from activities or leave situations (maybe abruptly). This could be declining the party invitation or not joining the sports club you want to sign up for.
2. Safety-Seeking
In a social situation, you seek out a friend or partner who feels safe and stay close to them. You might also avoid eye contact, over-prepare, or perform compulsive rituals. This could be checking the plan and timings over and over, double-checking and triple-checking that the taxi is booked and your route.
3. Emotional
You might try to suppress, ignore, or distract from your thoughts or feelings. Chronic worry can often be used as a form of avoidance, where overthinking can distract you from facing more terrifying, concrete emotional images.
How to stop feeling anxious: What you can do now
When you are spiralling, whether you're standing outside a cafe or sitting in a meeting, your brain leaves the present moment. It might start to think of all the things that could go wrong, tell you that you're not good enough, or overwhelm you with shame.
This ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) technique is called "Dropping Anchor" (ACE). It is a grounding exercise designed to bring your focus back to the present moment without fighting your own brain.
⚓ Dropping Anchor: The A.C.E. Technique
A - Acknowledge your inner world
Stop fighting the feeling. Silently name what is happening. "I am noticing a feeling of panic in my chest," or "I am having the thought that I am going to look foolish."
C - Come back into your body
Push your feet firmly into the floor. Straighten your spine. Press your fingertips together. Become really aware of your body and the things you are in control of.
E - Engage in what you are doing
Look around the room and give your full attention to the present moment. Notice three things you can see and three things you can hear. Then, refocus on the task at hand—whether that is looking at the menu, walking to the till.
Another technique you might want to explore for these moments is the mindfulness exercise "Leaves on a Stream." You can find a free guided audio for that on my earlier blog post. Click the image below to follow the link.
Specialist Support to Help Overcome Anxiety
Techniques like the “Dropping the Anchor” or “Leaves on a Stream” are great for managing the symptoms in the moment. But if you are looking to overcome severe anxiety, rather than continuing to avoid situations and going through the same cycle over and over, reach out to me today for a no-obligation chat about how I can help.
When anxiety becomes severe, it can feel like nothing you try actually works. You might have tried self-help books, meditation apps, or talking to friends, but the feelings persist. In my practice, I combine CBT with Hypnotherapy (CBH).
We will explore your anxiety together and map out the different ways it shows up in your life, how it impacts your thoughts, feelings and actions. The different ways in which you talk to yourself. We can then look at ways of changing your approach to those anxious
thoughts and feelings to change the way you respond.
What Does Anxiety Therapy Actually Look Like?
The honest answer is that it's different for everyone. But there is a shape to it:
- A Beginning / A Middle / An End -
And understanding that shape can make the prospect of starting feel a lot less daunting.
The Beginning: Making Sense of It
When anxiety has been running the show for a while, it can feel like a fog that’s overwhelming and impossible to get a grip on. The first thing we do is bring it into focus.
Together, we map out your anxiety using what I call the Anxiety Clock, a way of understanding how your triggers, emotions, thoughts, and behaviours connect and reinforce each other. Understanding how this cycle works allows us to see where it can be interrupted. See my earlier blog for an example of what this might look like.
We also spend time on your story. Not just what you're struggling with, but how you make sense of it and what it means to you. Often anxiety has a narrative attached to it -
"I'm someone who can't cope"
"I've always been like this."
“I’m incompetent and will get it wrong”
Understanding where that story came from is the first step to writing a different one
Middle: Building Your Toolkit
This is where the practical work happens. Once we understand your anxiety clock, we start to interrupt it, not by fighting your thoughts, but by changing your relationship with them.
One of the core skills we develop together is cognitive defusion — the ability to notice a thought without being ruled by it. Rather than "I am a failure," you learn to catch yourself and say, "I'm having the thought that I am a failure." See your thoughts as just that, thoughts and changing the way you talk to yourself is an important shift in how you not only view yourself, but also your anxiety. The Leaves on a Stream exercise you may have already tried is one of the tools we can use here.
We look at other coping techniques you can use in real life, in the moment, when anxiety spikes. These might include a physical anchor, practised using hypnosis (a word or a touch that your nervous system learns to associate with calm), breathing techniques that directly regulate your body's stress response, or structured problem-solving for the things that genuinely need addressing.
The middle isn't about imagining everything going perfectly rather it's about coping imagery - rehearsing, role playing, planning how you handle difficulty. You practice being calm in the situations that currently frighten you using the coping techniques you have learnt. By the time you face them in real life, you've already been
there.
End: Taking Your Story Forward
The goal of therapy has never been for you to need me indefinitely. The goal is for you to become your own therapist.
In the final stage of our work, we consolidate what you've learned and make sure you take credit for all the hard work you put in. Change in therapy is sometimes so gradual that you might think it's luck, or circumstance, just "feeling better", or because of your therapist. We look back at your Anxiety Clock and trace exactly where and how you intervened to break the cycle, because you are the only person who can make the changes.
We also prepare for setbacks because life is not a straight line. A redundancy, a relationship breakdown, or a difficult season can trigger old patterns. But we now look at those things through the lens of what you know you have and can achieve. You will have a practised plan for when things get hard again, so that a wobble doesn't feel like a collapse.
Contact me today
Contact me today for a free 15-minute chat.
You don't have to navigate this alone. Seeking help for severe anxiety is a journey, and it is important to take it one step at a time.
If you are tired of missing out on life because of the "what ifs," let's change the narrative. If you are looking for an anxiety specialist in Leicester, Hinckley, or via online video across the UK, I am here to help you build a personalised treatment plan.
About Martin Middleton
Martin Middleton is a Clinical Therapist and Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist based near Leicester and Hinckley. Specialising in anxiety, stress, and confidence, Martin combines the practical tools of CBT with the transformative power of Hypnotherapy to help clients break negative cycles. He provides a calm, judgment-free space where you can learn to manage your mind and move forward with clarity. Martin works with individuals in-person across Leicestershire and online throughout the UK.
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